Declaration of Re-Independence
When in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to take back their God-given country from corrupt globalists, coastal elites, and woke tyrants, a decent respect to the opinions of real patriots requires that they should declare the reasons which impel them to the separation.
We hold these truths to be self-evident to Americans only: that all true citizens (i.e., natural-born, God-fearing, flag-waving) are created better; that they are endowed by their Creator, Constitution, and 2nd Amendment with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Freedom from liberal indoctrination, freedom to own AR-15s, and the pursuit of low taxes and high testosterone.
That to secure these rights, Governments are instituted among Men, deriving their just powers from the votes of the right people—not stolen elections, illegal ballots, or rigged Dominion machines.
That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends—by allowing immigrants in caravans, mandating masks, funding drag queens, or weaponizing the FBI—it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to restore America to the way we imagine it was in 1953.
Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes (like student loans or climate hoaxes); and accordingly all experience hath shown that mankind is more disposed to suffer, so long as the suffering is confined to libs, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed.
But when a long train of abuses and usurpations—like CRT, DEI, ESG, and rainbow flags—pursuing invariably the same Object, evinces a design to reduce them under absolute woke tyranny, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such government, and to provide new Guards for their future security—preferably someone with a gold-plated toilet and a Twitter account.
Such has been the patient sufferance of these MAGA Patriots; and such is now the necessity which constrains them to reclaim their country. The history of the present regime is a history of repeated injuries and usurpations, all having in direct object the establishment of an absolute despotism of soy, socialism, and socialism made of soy.
Let these facts be submitted to a candid world:
They opened the borders and let fentanyl flow while banning gas stoves.
They forced our children to use pronouns instead of learn arithmetic.
They raided the home of a former President for loving America too hard.
They replaced statues of heroes with murals of George Floyd.
They taxed our guns, banned our cars, and shamed our burgers.
They let China make our phones, our pills, and our TikToks.
They canceled us for memes, sermons, and opinions.
They desecrated our flags, our anthem, and our golden calves.
They impeached our leader twice—for crimes he was obviously proud of.
We, therefore, the Real Citizens of the United States of America, appealing to the Supreme Judge (White Jesus of the Prosperity Gospel), do solemnly publish and declare, that these United States are, and of right ought to be, Free and Independent from woke tyranny; and that all allegiance to the Deep State, Globalists, and George Soros is and ought to be totally dissolved.
And for the support of this declaration, with a firm reliance on divine Providence, military surplus, and homemade YouTube documentaries, we mutually pledge to each other our Lives, our Fortunes, and our sacred red hats.